Day before Awareness Month

February 28th. The day before Endometriosis Awareness Month.

I originally had so much planned for this month. Posts, articles, more writings, pictures. But I haven’t been able to get it to where I wanted it to go.

Honestly lately, I haven’t been able to think straight. I had a conversation with someone last night about brain fog. And even though it wasn’t about my brain fog, I understood what he was going through all too well. When our bodies are attacking us and we are fighting back, we are utilizing so much energy. Brain fog is inevitable.

On top of the fog I’ve been on a war path. Just angry. And what scares me, I’m not upset about it, I’m actually…glad.

I’ve been so tired being upset. And so mad at myself for being upset. I’ve hit a point where now I just get mad.

I’ve been trying to use that as fuel to get by and that’s probably how I will continue on until I burn out.

My dealings with endo are so weird lately. Sometimes I feel like I’m an imposter. I’m training at the gym or I’m at work and I am doing just fine, and it’s those split moments when I am clutching onto something for dear life waiting for the moment to pass. I realize that my pain tolerance is much higher than others, and that’s probably why I am able to do all the things that I do. And I tend to push through pain when I shouldn’t.

This month I know will be a fight for me mentally. My dad is dealing with some health issues so I won’t be able to reflect how I would like to. Maybe that’s a good thing, because some of the places I go to are dark.

I’m going to see how far I can push myself. How far I can go. All while reminding myself of how far I’ve come. I don’t want to look at all that I lost.